When is the Right Time to Get into a Relationship?

By harishsystango
October 28, 2020

You guys have been seeing each other for a long time and now you think you are ready to be the Leonard to your Penny? Or perhaps you are thinking that you should get back into the saddle and start dating again as this is the only way to get over your ex? 

No doubt, having a romantic relationship can be one of the most gladdening aspects of life. However, committing to someone is a big decision, so it’s always a good idea to ascertain when  is the right time to get into a relationship instead of directly jumping into it. 

Now, you must be thinking when it is that “right time” to get into a relationship. Don’t worry, we’re here for that only. In this blog, we’re going to cover everything from when is the “right time” to get into a relationship, how does a relationship differ from dating to why do you constantly have a question in mind that Am I ready for a relationship, and finally the signs that say you’re ready for a relationship according to various studies.

Topics that’ll be covered:

But, before getting you out of the “Am I ready for a relationshipdilemma, let’s first see what do you mean by being in a relationship

What do mean by being in a “Relationship”?

Going for a date. Seeing each other. Hooking up. Dating. Spending time together. These days, there are different ways of being with someone and getting to know them. But, being in a relationship is much more than having someone to hang out with.

Judith Orloff in her book The Ecstasy of Surrender mentions “The right relationships fortify your resilience and fearlessness, empowering success in all aspects of life. No matter what happens you know you’re not alone. You know someone’s got your back…Being valued and adored makes you stronger.”

When you are in a relationship, you can’t pick and choose which parts you do and don’t like. Along with embracing the good, you have to accept the bad as well. Being in a relationship means choosing “we” over “I” and being the strength of your partner during difficult times.

Being in a relationship has a different meaning to different couples. For some, it can be being there for each other, while for others it can be striking the right balance between freedom and bondage. Again, for some, it can be motivating each other to bring the best version in each other, while for others it can be giving the needed space so that each one of them can pursue their interests. It’s very subjective, to say the least, and have you asked your partner what being in a relationship means to them? If not, you should. 

A healthy strong relationship does not happen overnight. It is built with mutual understanding, healthy communication, intimacy, care, companionship, help and unflinching support.

Are you Just Dating or Treading in a Relationship Territory?

Are we just dating or are we committed to each other truly? You love him, but the question, “Am I ready for a relationship? Is what that is troubling you? Before getting an answer for when is the right time to get involved into a relationship and deciding whether you should get committed in a relationship, it is important to gauge the situation. 

Ask yourself below-mentioned questions to understand whether you guys just dating or heading towards a relationship:

Are you their number one?

Being in a relationship means that you and your significant other are exclusively dating each other and they’re not swiping right on Tinder anymore. This also means that you feel you are their number one and there are no lingering exes in their lives.

Not ready for a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

When you’re simply dating someone, it is common to feel that your significant other could leave you, if someone “better” comes along. But if you feel your partner is completely into you, then you’ve probably passed what is known as the dating phase.

Are you not scared of being “You” in front of them?

When you are in a relationship, you are not afraid to be yourself around your significant other. If you can freely reveal your guilty obsessions or indulge in geeky conversations, and if you’re not conscious about your no-makeup look and clumsy eating habits, then you’re treading into relationship territory.

Not ready for a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

While you’re dating, you try to keep your raw behaviour under wraps, on the other hand, being in a relationship means letting another person know your true self.

Have they introduced you to your friends and family?

There is a sure sign that you’re in a serious relationship If your significant other is trying to introduce you to their family and friends. The same applies to you as well – have you introduced (feeling like to do so) you to your friends and family.

When is the right time to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

Is it love or simply infatuation?

Sometimes it is hard to distinguish whether it is love or simply infatuation. Especially during the initial stage of dating, infatuation and love look similar.  But, when you are treading into relationship territory, it is important to understand whether you are really in love or is it a rush of dopamine that gives you intense highs. 

No doubt, infatuation can have its fun moments, it is ultimately unsustainable and superficial. When it is infatuation, you get caught up in a whirlwind and you often can’t see who the person is. According to Couple Therapist Carolyn Perla, You need to differentiate between being in love with the mythology you’ve built around a person and loving the actual person. Once you have dropped the initial fantasy, you’re a step closer to having an authentic relationship.” Here is the real difference between infatuation and love.

Your/Their Ex is no longer a factor

We all have a past and more often than not our partner accepts that without any issue. However, we should also be able to accept that about ourselves. Under some rare circumstances, people stay friends with their exes, but in most situations, you completely cut off from them.

When is the right time to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

If you think you are completely over your ex and there are no chances of a rebound or reactionary date, then you are ready to get committed.

How often are you communicating?

If you are constantly waiting for the callbacks and replies of your significant other, then it signifies that you might not be their priority. If you’re the one who is always texting and calling and if you feel uneasy or sceptical when they don’t reply quickly, then this could be a red flag.

According to Audrey Hope, celebrity renowned relationship therapist, even if your S.O. might be a bad texter, if they’re interested in you, they shouldn’t be leaving you hanging. So, if this is the case with you or your significant other, then you haven’t crossed the dating phase yet.

When is the right time to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

When it comes to relationships and dating, there are a lot of grey areas. Maybe that’s the reason why it’s fun to look at statistics and dating data to see the black and white facts as presented by the numbers. 

Interesting Stats Related to Relationship and Dating

Match.com conducted a study to find answers to various relationship and dating questions such as how long does it take to kiss your partner on the first date? And when do couples choose to finally move in together? Let’s find out what are the numbers they’ve got when they interviewed over 2000 people-

  • On average, women find their life partner at the age of 25, while men are more likely to find their partner at the age of 28.
  • Most of the people waited for around five months to say “I love you” for the first time and to change their relationship status on Facebook.
  • When it comes to sex, 27% said they waited for two to three weeks to sleep with their partners, while 23% said they waited for a month or so.
  • When it comes to getting committed to a relationship and planning for a long-term future, 33% of people would prefer this conversation after completing one year with their partners.
When is the right time to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

Now that you have read the various interesting stats associated with relationships and dating, let’s try to understand why you feel that you are not ready for a relationship.

Why do you constantly feel that you are not ready for a relationship?

Does anxiety surround you whenever your new tinder match asks you about commitment? Do you consistently feel that being committed to someone is not your cup of tea? If you feel that you are not ready for a relationship, then don’t worry, you are not alone. The modern dating landscape is experiencing drastic changes when it comes to commitment. Millennials are increasingly postponing serious relationships and more inclined towards “no strings attached” and “friends with benefits structure.” 

According to the theory of relationship commitment by Carl Rusbult, commitment to a partner is directly proportional to the dependency on the partner. This theory which dates to 1993 and is known as Interdependence Theory suggests that dependence is a result of the following factors:

  • The satisfaction of getting many benefits from the partner (without much cost).
  • Lack of Alternatives to meet those needs in the best manner.
  • Investment, as there are several important resources devoted to the partner.
When to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

So, when individuals invest in a partner in one way or another, they find that their needs are getting fulfilled, they tend to commit with their partner. Interdependence Theory further explains that in the present contemporary world where women are independent and they do not completely lean on their partners for economic, social and childcare needs, society has become flexible to committing. Furthermore, individuals today are devoted to multiple things at the same time – career, fitness, social life, constant pressure of improvement, which makes it intricate to commit to a romantic relationship.

Yes, after all, all relationships are a give and take. There is no spiritual soulmate waiting for you (Just dropping facts). 

Only 3 Signs that truly matter to know if you’re ready

As we discussed above, today’s generation is drifting away from serious commitments, which makes it crucial to talk about the signs that indicate the “readiness” for a serious relationship.

To understand an individual’s readiness and interest in lasting relationships, Christopher R. Agnew, Benjamin W. Hadden, and Kenneth Tan conducted a study in 2019. They developed a set of questions to evaluate the degree of “commitment readiness”.

When to get into a relationship by The Truly Wealthy

Here is what this study helped in determining about relationship “readiness”

  • The readiness for a relationship can be determined by the level of self-disclosure in a relationship. The more you share about yourself and your life with your significant other, the more ready you are for a relationship.
  • The actual commitment in a relationship after two months describes how ready you are for a serious relationship and helps you decide when to get into a relationship.
  • The more ready you are to change your habits and sacrifice certain behaviours/things for the good of your partner, the more ready you are for a relationship.
  • If you are ready for a commitment you will also put an extra effort and go to every extra inch to preserve your relationship. This means that if you feel like giving up easily, then you are not ready for a serious relationship.

This study, in a nutshell, suggested that an individual’s readiness for commitment impacts their behaviour in a relationship in several ways.

However, what we feel is that this is one side of the “commitment readiness” coin, there is also the other side i.e. It is impossible to be fully ready for a relationship. After all, how can anyone be entirely ready for a big life change? And thus, readiness is also about making that mysterious mental leap.

According to the Study, here are signs you should look out for: 

  1. Are you ready for a Self-Disclosure?

Instead of simply emphasizing on “Am I ready for a relationship?”, you should also focus on whether you are willing to share about your life experiences and plans. This self-disclosure entails much more than how much you are willing to tell about yourself, it is a crucial building block of intimacy and extremely vital if you are looking for a serious relationship. After all, how many days romance will last if you are not willing to share your thoughts and experiences with your partner?

  1. Are you ready to make Compromises?

If you are looking for signs to get into a serious relationship, then, yes, compromise is one of them. The “compromise” skill comes handy in many situations, from choosing to do what to do on weekends to fix the problems in your sex life. If you’re ready to compromise, you’ll be able to resolve all the issues without hurting feelings, arguing or pushing each other away.

Compromising is not simply about shedding away all the habits that your partner doesn’t like. Rather, it means valuing each other’s opinion and finding a mid-way on which both of you agree. Here are some examples of compromise in a relationship as suggested by experts.

  1. Are you ready to Walk that Extra Mile?

Relationships are not a cakewalk, there are many such situations when you have to put your ego aside and put an extra effort to solve the misunderstandings. These extra efforts don’t mean that every time there is a fight you have to travel to your partner’s city to sort out the things. 

Rather there are simple and easy ways to go that extra mile such as show affection by simply ordering their favourite pizza for them or communicating to them when they are angry or upset or saying “I Love You” to end the argument. These little extra efforts not only keep your relationship happy and healthy but also keep that spark alive.

Still, confused when to get into a relationship? Here is a set of few questions from The Quiz that might help you get a better perspective.

Signing Off

“Am I ready for a relationship?” – We hope the above signs and the detailed discussion on the topic will help you find the right answer. What is more important than the “signs” and “checklist”, is the gut feeling. When you reach the right phase of life or when the right person comes along, you will be ready to leave the single life and settle down with them.

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