Relational Wealth

Is there a soulmate for you? What are the actual chances based on scientific studies?

By harishsystango
October 19, 2020
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In this blog we will be deciphering the concept of ‘Soulmates’. Whether you believe Plato’s theory of soulmates or in the existence of twin souls (According to Hindu mythology) or the Spooky Quantum Entanglement (Physics that suggests that soulmates may exist) – all the three suggest that soulmates do exist. However, Finding your soulmate in this lifetime is not probable. 

Let’s dive into details. 


Do you believe in the concept of finding your Soulmate? If yes, then you are not alone, according to the Marist Poll, 73% of Americans believe that soulmates exist.

With the evolution of social media and apps like Tinder and Bumble, young people today are inclined a bit towards online dating. But the stats above clearly state that despite these trends, a yearning for a soulmate is a common thread across the generations.  

The idea that there is a person out there who can complete us and make us happy is constantly conveyed through different portrayals in books, magazines, films, and television.

But do soulmates exist? And, how to find your soulmate? Before coming to the answer to these questions, let’s first see how this term originated?

What the Term “Soulmate” Means?

The early use of the word “soulmate” is seen in the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s letter from 1822, in which he wrote: “To be happy in a Married Life… You must have a Soul-mate.”

Several centuries before Coleridge, the famous Greek philosopher Plato, wrote about the reasons behind the yearning for a soulmate in his text “Symposium”. He quotes the poet Aristophanes as saying that in the beginning, all humans were androgynous. However, Zeus, the Greek king of God, cut humans in two out of fear and jealousy.

The transcendent experience of two soulmates reuniting is explained by Aristophanes in the following way:

“And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself…the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other’s sight as I may say, even for a moment.”

But the question is what does soulmate mean? Here is a brief concept as believed in Hinduism about do soulmates exist?

Twin Souls as per Hinduism

The spiritual branch of Hindu religion believes in the concept of the twin flames, like the theological concept of the two-headed.

The harmony of man’s seven centres (the lowest being the sex centre and the highest is called Samadi) with that of a woman signifies that you have found your soulmate. Whenever such happens, there is a feeling of absolute oneness. Two people completely melt into each other, which is referred to as unio mystica. 

What is Twin Flames or Twin Souls?

Within God rests both the energies masculine and feminine and this is why Lord Shiva (The 3rd God in Hindu Mythology) is also known as Ardhnarishwar Shiva (Sanskrit: “Lord who is half women”). Both the atoms exist in this energy, which when manifested on the physical plane are split into feminine and masculine flames. These flames are called twin souls or twin flames. Every soul in the world exists in duality i.e. the male and the female, and therefore each and every has its counter soul. One-half of the soul manifests feminine and another masculine, the destiny of the two souls is to unite and achieve liberation at the end of each cycle.

These twin flames remain tied together with a crystal chord throughout their journey. During the karmic reasons, the two flames depart from each other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two fuse back together and get liberated.

Let’s now explore what does soulmate mean in terms of quantum physics.

Spooky Physics Quantum Entanglement Theory Indicating Existence of Soulmates

As described in Wikipedia, “Spooky quantum entanglement is a physical phenomenon which occurs when pairs or groups of particles are generated, interact, or share spatial proximity in ways such that the quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the state of the other(s), even when the particles are separated by a large distance—instead, a quantum state must be described for the system as a whole.”

This is how subatomic particles, like protons or electrons, get entangled with each other even when they are at a great distance. It is a “really delightful, really strange” thing, says MIT physicist David Kaiser of the phenomenon which is called “quantum entanglement”. Somehow what happens to one particle can have an impact on the second one, even if they are nowhere near to each other. 

Quantum entanglement suggests that once a part of the system, two particles remain in touch with each other even if they are separated by spatial distance. It applies that everything is a part of a much larger whole which is called “Cosmos”.

Now, that we understood the spooky physics quantum entanglement theory that provides hints of the existence of soulmates. Let’s explore what are the chances of finding the one.

What the Numbers Say About the Chances of Finding Your Soulmate?

According to The Science of Soulmates, “scientific instruments recorded evidence of a fundamental energy pattern that reveals the source of existence and the source of the phenomenon of soulmates.”

In his book, What if?: Serious Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions, Randall Munroe, one-time NASA Roboticist, tries to answer the question, “What if everyone actually had only one soulmate, a random person somewhere in the world?”

According to Munroe, the chances of finding Chandler to your Monica (or vice-versa) are second to none. He defines a soulmate as a person who is around the same age as you, which means that every person on this earth has more than 500 million potential candidates for a soulmate.

Let’s suppose that you meet a few dozen new strangers each day. Then as per Munroe, “If 10% of them are close to your age, that’s around 50,000 people in a lifetime. Given that you have 5 million potential soulmates, it means the chances of finding the one is one out of 10,000 lifetimes.”  Thus, according to Munroe and his calculations, the probability of finding “the one” is not in your favor (being generous here). 

Ditch Mythological Soulmate & Get Real – A Formula for Finding the “One” in This Lifetime

In a timely and entertaining post on the TED Ideas blog, mathematician Hannah Fry claims about optimal stopping theory which can help lovers decide whether to keep swiping right on Tinder or end this game for the good.

Fry offers a formula, derived using the optimal stopping theory, which as follows:

P in the equation denotes the probability of stopping and settling down with the best person. “n” denotes potential lovers and “r” denotes the number of rejection. This formula tells exactly how many people to reject to increase your chances of finding “the one”. 

So, according to Hannah Fry’s optimal stopping theory, “Say you start dating when you are 15 years old and would ideally like to settle down by the time you’re 40. In the first 37 percent of your dating window (until just after your 24th birthday), you should reject everyone — use this time to get a feel for the market and a realistic expectation of what you can expect in a life partner. Once the rejection phase has passed, pick the next person who comes along who is better than everyone who you have met before. Following this strategy will definitely give you the best possible chance of finding the number one partner on your imaginary list.” 

If you are trying to determine – if  she/he is my soulmate?, then Fry’s formula is no use to you. However, it remains a good strategy for deciding on the best choice in this large and uncertain field of finding your soulmate.

Fry’s formula gives an approximate number of rejections that you have to make before you finally stop to date someone. However, according to Joshua Klapow, Clinical Psychologist and the Host of the Kurre and Klapow Show, “If the belief is that soulmates are defined by perfect compatibility, lifelong passion and ease of connection for the entirety of the relationship, then finding your soulmate may be difficult,” 

Believing in the concept of soulmates can lead to issues if you expect your relationship to be a piece of cake.

How Believing in Soulmates Can Cause Problems in Your Relationships?

Relationships need effort and it is unrealistic to expect that you will never face challenges in a relationship with your soulmate or you would feel ‘passionate love’ at every moment. 

People who believe in soulmates are more likely to break up and give up on their existing relationship in the hope of finding “the one”.  

Researcher Raymond Knee tried to find how people answered the question- Do you believe there is one who is meant for you? He found that people have either- Destiny beliefs, which means that they believe they are destined to be with one person who is meant for them or Growth Beliefs, means relationships can be built strong with time and efforts.

People who believe in soulmates or destiny often ask themselves:

  • Is he my soulmate?
  • Is this the best I can do?
  • Is this it?
  • Can I do better to make the relationship better?

On the other hand, people with growth beliefs internally assess themselves with following questions:

  • Are we a good fit?
  • How can we get closer?
  • How can I be a better person?
  • What can I do to make the person better?

Looking for a soulmate decreases the motivation to make a relationship work. Finding the soulmate means being open to adaptability and growth. Here are a few ideas to think about:

Patterns of Past Relationships

Have you been in relationship with deal breakers? Are you going back to the same person over and over again? Examine your relationship patterns and connect this to your belief about soulmates. If you are a destiny believer, see if this idea has served you in the past and if you are a growth believer, examine whether you can learn from past mistakes.

Changeable or Unchangeable?

Not all bumps in a relationship are minor. There are deal breakers for sure, however, there is a difference between major differences or resolvable conflicts. Think about the past dumps or deal breakers? Were they changeable or compromisable?

Adaption is Advancement

People tend to believe that refitting our ideas to someone’s else is a sign of weakness. However, this is not true. The strongest people are always flexible and ready for compromises. Remember, when you love someone, you grow for them, you grow together and you change together.

In a nutshell,

Plato’s theory suggests the existence of twin souls and   or in the existence of twin souls or the Spooky Quantum Entanglement- all the three suggest that soulmates do exist. However, Finding your soulmate in this lifetime is not probable.  

Rather, when you have chosen that “one-in-a-billion-perfect-match” for you, you need to consistently put efforts to build a happy relationship with them.  Through communication and constructive conflict resolution, you can create that strong bond and establish fulfilling relationships irrespective of not being custom-built for each other from the beginning.

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